I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
