That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
