So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
