what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
