Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
