Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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