I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
