I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
