guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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