I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
