some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
