OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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