no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
