I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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