just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
