I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
