her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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