Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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