Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
