I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
