The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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