I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize