My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
