You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
