You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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