meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
