just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
