Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
