This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
