how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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