no, he came in my armpit
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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