Don't you send me to vm
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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