the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
