Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
