I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
