Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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