i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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