We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
