Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cannot find my penis.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
