umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
