I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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