I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
