i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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