Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
