Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
