my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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