laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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