We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will pee on everything he values.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
