This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
