i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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