Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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