You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
