Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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