There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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