The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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