I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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