i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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