let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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