I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
