the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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