It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
