How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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