Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
