I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
