I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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