i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
