Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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