why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
