I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
