I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
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Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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