Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
