why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
