look no pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
